I try to stay positive, upbeat and smile through adversity. But everyone, and I mean everyone, has a bad day. Myself included.
Yesterday was one of those days. It ended with me getting a tweet from my friend Laura:
Tomorrow is new day. How true. Sometimes it is important to just draw a line under things and move on.
But along the way, how do you manage when things start to go pear shaped? I use a couple of strategies. Note: all of the examples (tweets too) are from yesterday.
Strategy 1: Project Positive (even if you feel like rubbish)
On Monday night I had a horrible night’s sleep. I knew I was getting up at 6 for morning spin – something I have not done for a while. Maybe that was the trigger. Or maybe it was DH’s snoring! Regardless, it stinks to basically never fall into a deep sleep and to wake up feeling more tired than you felt the day before, like you have not slept!
So I tweeted this message:
I am a believer in using affirmations, especially public ones, to turn my attitude around. The same goes with trying to live sayings like “kill them with kindness” (for dealing with people who are really irritating me), or actions like “smile on the outside even when you feel like crying on the inside”. I don’t always get it right, but I try.
Now, did it work? Yesterday, it seemed like everything was doomed. But I persevered in trying to find the positive.
Strategy 2: When things go wrong, immediately seek to fix them or take a positive step to remedy the situation
It wasn’t even half past nine in the morning when another so-called tragedy struck – I was 5 minutes late for an appointment with the GP for my ongoing lung issues, so it was iffy if I would be seen. I waited for 30 minutes, and after seeing 3 other names called (and not mine) I knocked on the doctor’s door. “Will you have time to see me today?” to which he replied “You were late so I can’t say, it all depends if someone else doesn’t show up for their appointment like you didn’t for yours.” Well, I was furious. I told him that I had waited 2 weeks for my appointment, had waited more than 20 minutes to see him the last time I had an appointment with him, and for this I am told when I am five minutes late that I would not have a guarantee to be seen. It was like being slapped in the face, especially since I have been sick with this chest cold / infection / problem / reduced lung capacity since January 23rd. I stormed downstairs to the receptionist, and decided on a few things as I was stomping between floors:
1. I would leave the GP’s office and cut my losses – my time was too valuable.
2. I would make a new appointment with my own GP, not the GP who I was seeing as he originally saw me on an emergency basis at the onset of my illness. Besides, I do not think he was aggressive enough with his follow up when the congestion in my chest was not clearing.
3. I would make a private medical appointment to see someone as soon as possible as this chest thing has dragged on for long enough.
Although I was furious, emotional and overtired so acting a bit irrationally, I did what I think is sensible advice for when things don’t go your way: cut your losses, and then move ahead, taking actions to take back control of the situation (if you can) and to bring positive resolution. (Note: my private appointment is on Friday afternoon…)
Strategy 3: If you can’t change your mindset, change your surroundings
Yesterday I found myself in two separate situations, both triathlon training related. First, in the morning I went to spin class. I knew that the regular instructor – a cyclist who sets killer spin classes designed in a way that athletes understand, with purpose – was out due to an appendicitis. But I decided to chance it. I knew that, if worse came to worse, I could do my own set to ensure I was getting the most out of the time I was investing in spin class.
Well, after a 10 minute warm up, the instructor began with a climb. The spin studio timetable had indicated speed intervals, which fit really well with my training plan for one of my four scheduled cycling sessions. So a climb didn’t really factor, but I thought what the hell, it would be good for my leg strength. 10 minutes later, I was tired of constantly “adding some”, not knowing the structure of the session, would I be climbing the whole class, will I be doing 2 or 3 climbs like this, what is the purpose.
So I left. I needed to remove myself from the room, break my mindset of grumpiness by changing the place where I was. I went down to the gym and jumped on a spin bike there to finish my set.
The same happened later at swim training. I swim with a group, each lane split into speed. A lane reshuffle happened, and the guys who I swim with all moved up a lane – but I swim as fast if not faster than them. And the slow lane occupied my lane. Meaning my average lane speed was now less. This irritated me to no end, and is something I have already spoken with my coach about (he runs the swim sessions) – the fact that the speed of the lanes is not fairly determined and that by not moving up a lane I am not progressing the way I would like.
But I accepted the situation. No worry, I would just do the sets, work to my own efforts, and keep training according to my plan. But as I reached at the end of the first subset to grab my hand paddles for the last subset before cooldown, coach erased the set. “Sorry you timed out, time to cool down” What? But John in lane 2 (who I swim faster than) had set off the wall just as he timed me out – with his hand paddles. He timed me out because the whole lane would be doing the cool down sets. “Ok, but can I do 200 rather than 400 pull, to end with strength, as it is important to me for my long swim?” “No, time to cool down.” Fine. I got out.
This may not have been the most grown up thing I have ever done – and can be seen as leaving because I did not get my way. But my training time is important to me – and if I am not getting what I want or need out of the set (for me this was strength work), then I need to leave to focus on the other areas of my life that need attention – like home, dinner and seeing DH. So I left. I also left before I said something I regretted.
I think if you know you are close to melting down, or entering a red rage, it is important to change your surroundings to help to keep you mindset in balance.
Strategy 4: Change the circumstances so that the same things do not happen again
The trigger for my swimming pool meltdown was stress – stress not only from a bad day, but also a niggling worry that I am not doing enough or not doing the right things to get me ready for the 7km Great Chesapeake Bay Swim in June.
When I got home, after a nice 15 minute walk through the dark in the city of London, I sent Coach T a text. An apology, followed by a change I feel I need to make to my training to get rid of the stress and feeling of being unprepared for a huge challenge that looms.
Right now I am swimming twice a week, so not fitting strength, endurance, and fitness into my sessions is a worry – and with one of the sessions a club session, it means my training is dependent on the plans for the group, and clearly also dependent on the group’s performance (witness subset cutting). Not any more. Instead, I will move to do the club session as the fitness session (eliminating a worry that I am not swimming long enough, or with enough strength focus). My second session will hopefully focus on strength, to build me up to be capable of tackling the 7km. And my third session will be about endurance – a minimum of an hour and a half a time, to get used to spending longer and longer in the water in the run up to June.
The biggest challenge will then be fitting it all in. I am hopeful that after mid-April and the MS150 bike ride this will be easier. But I am going to give it a go. And with the brighter mornings I am also confident that I can get back into a routine of pre-work lido swims which will help too.
But the lesson is: when you have a meltdown, try to understand why. And then see if there is something you can do – something to change – that will prevent the triggers from surfacing, to make you feel more comfortable, and to keep meltdowns in the distance.
Strategy 5: The personal pep talk
Similar to strategy 1 – the public affirmation – the personal pep talk can really turn things around.
One thing that the Strong Like Bull training camp in Spain taught me (well there are many things that I need to blog on – each deserving of its own special blog) was the power of self talk. When things seem tough, when 100 meters seems like forever, when you just can’t move another inch – chances are you can. And you need to remind yourself of this.
“This is possible”
“I’ve done this before”
“This bad mood is in my mind – I can turn this around”
By focusing on one small thing, one positive thought, it can turn around a situation.
Leaving aside what happened at the pool, last night I was thinking of cancelling altogether, which would have been a zero for swim training – NOT what I need to accomplish the Bay Swim.
Sometimes you might not have that small thing in you – you may need friends to remind you of reasons, of positives. To help with the materials for the personal pep talk. Yesterday, my friend Dan got me to the pool with this reminder:
I was opting to not swim, not because of injury or fatigue, but because I was having a bad day. Not because I couldn’t swim, but because I wouldn’t. And it is completely counter to my own ethos, which is to do it because I can.
Regardless of what happened at the pool, the simple fact is that I got 2400 yards of swimming done yesterday. 2400 yards closer to the 4.4 miles I will need to build up to in order to do the Bay Swim. Thanks to Dan and his timely reminder.
Strategy 6: A bit of perspective
I try to keep a bit of perspective. Sometimes, I get emotional and carried away. And I don’t always get around to reflecting and keeping things into check until the evening, usually when I chat at dinner with DH, when I vent and talk about the day’s happenings (the good and the bad). But I always *seek* to keep it all in perspective. My bad moods, the mishaps and stuff that happens that can throw off my plans – none of it is the end of the world.
It is important for me to try to clear my head before I go to sleep – so that I can sleep with an easy heart and a clear mind. To wake up refreshed. And ready for the new day. So at a minimum I reflect or focus on good things – big and small – in the evening. When I shower, when I work out, when I read before I sleep, or at dinner.
On balance a lot of great stuff happened yesterday.
When we were talking over dinner, I mentioned that Lynsey Addario, the photographer I met in Morocco in 2008, had been released from captivity in Libya, helped by none other than my Georgetown classmate Yael (on the diplomatic side of things). What a small world. And what a miracle.
My bad mood and day of small irritating problems started to fade away, almost instantly, as soon as I focused on something other than myself – last night it was talking about Lynsey’s story. I find that to be equally as true when I focus on something good, something unexpected or something beautiful.